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Monitoring and supervision in ‘ordinary’ families: The views and experiences of young people aged 11-16 and their parents
- Parents and young people saw monitoring and supervision as parents knowing where their child is, what they are doing and who they are with. They described it as a key part of parental care, love and protection.
- Parents used various strategies and techniques in order to monitor and supervise their children, such as asking for information, checking and tracking, setting boundaries, and encouraging open communication. These strategies were used in all life areas, such as social life, education, health, and relationships. Monitoring strategies varied across these areas, depending on parents’ perceptions of risk.
- Most parents not only monitored their child’s physical whereabouts, but undertook emotional monitoring also, i.e. checking their child’s emotional state and adjustment. This was particularly evident during key life events or changes.
- The quality of the parent-child relationship was key to how much accurate information young people provided to their parents. Those young people who felt able to talk openly with their parents, disclosed information about their activities without being asked.
- Mothers were more involved in monitoring and supervision than fathers, regardless of family structure. Having the primary responsibility for monitoring was described by many mothers as time-consuming and stressful.
- Significant others (such as family members, family friends and neighbours), and organisations (such as the school), were also involved in the monitoring process.
- Almost all the young people had a mobile phone, and parents and young people relied on these to communicate with each other.
- Most parents were particularly concerned to monitor their child’s use of the internet, as this was considered an area of particular risk.
- Key factors that determined monitoring and supervision processes were the local neighbourhood (including perceptions of risk), the young person’s age, and their personality.
HOW DO PARENTS AND YOUNG PEOPLE VIEW MONITORING AND SUPERVISION?
Both parents and young people understood monitoring and supervision to involve parental knowledge of their child’s whereabouts and activities. They described it as a key part of parental care, love, guidance and protection. The purpose of monitoring and supervision is to keep young people safe and out of trouble, and to prepare them for leading independent lives as adults. As this mother explained it:
... you start with this little baby that you’ve got to care for and gradually you’ve got to be able to release it into the world safely, but you hope that the influences that you have had on that child have prepared it to be sensible in the outside world” (mother of female, 14 years).
Parents and young people saw monitoring and supervision as including not only the physical whereabouts of young people, but also their emotional well-being. This involved being alert to changes in their child’s mood, behaviour, or social life. Monitoring a young person’s psychological state was ongoing, but was heightened during difficult times such as parental divorce or separation, the young person being bullied at school, or problems in the family. For example:
Her granddad died…I encouraged her to go and see [ the counsellor]… I was sort of aware of her behaviour for a few weeks after that” (mother of female, 14 years).
Young people were in general very aware of how their parents monitored and supervised them and, even where they disagreed with this, they understood that their parents were mainly trying to keep them safe.
PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONSHIPS
Parents monitored and supervised their children by asking for information, setting boundaries and rules, and encouraging open and honest communication. Parents gained information by asking their child for information, and through their child providing the information voluntarily. For example:
It’s a bit of both really because sometimes he will say ‘is it alright if I go to the park?’ and I say ‘well, which park are you going to? Who are you going with?’…it depends” (mother of male, 12 years).
The quality of parent-child communication was closely related to parental knowledge of their child’s whereabouts and activities. For example, where young people said they felt able to talk to their parents, they were more likely to tell them about their whereabouts and activities, and less likely to withhold information from them or lie. As this parent explained it:
I have noticed that a lot of people monitor their children but don’t actually communicate with them…a child can be monitored and learn nothing from it. You have to impart some kind of knowledge onto your children otherwise they don’t learn right from wrong…you can’t monitor your child properly unless you actually have a conversation and teach your child how important it is, how they should behave and shouldn’t behave and to be a good example to them yourself” (Mother of female, 13 years).
Many young people said that if they felt trusted and respected by their parents, they wouldn’t betray that trust. This was because they would feel guilty, or know that their parents would be disappointed in them. As this young person described it:
... they’ll just give you that look, that says we’re really disappointed in you and then that makes you feel guilty…” (female, 12 years).
New technology was also found to have a significant impact on the way parents monitor and supervise young people. First, almost all the young people had a mobile phone. This was considered essential by the young people and their parents, as a key way of communicating between them and keeping them safe. For example:
...like if someone was bullying me, I can phone them and explain to them that I’m in trouble and so they can come and get me or something” (male, 13 years).
Second, most parents were particularly concerned about the risks to young people of using the internet, particularly in relation to the use of chat rooms. This was an area that most parents tried to regulate very closely, with some trying to prevent their child from accessing the internet at all:
No I won’t allow her to have the internet… It’s not that I don’t trust [her], I don’t trust other people who use it… you read more and more about it. I’m just not taking that risk” (mother of female, 12 years).
FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES AND THE WIDER SUPPORT NETWORK
Mothers in this study bore most of the responsibility for monitoring and supervision. This was the case regardless of family structure, i.e. whether the family had one or two parents. Many mothers found this very time-consuming and stressful. Few families, however, said that monitoring and supervision took place in isolation, i.e. within their family alone. Significant others such as family members and parents’ friends, were all involved in the monitoring and supervision process to varying degrees. Most of the parents saw themselves as part of a ‘network’ of parents that monitored and protected young people. As one father said:
I think [child’s friends’] mum does monitor and supervise when they’re around in that area and when their children are round here we do the same…I think parents do if they know each other…we just know that we, sort of, monitor each others' children, it just goes without saying really, it’s just a natural thing” (father of male, 12 years).
The majority of the parents and young people felt that schools were also involved in the monitoring process. This particularly applied to attendance at school, and parents relied on immediate contact by the school if their child was not at school. In addition, community and activity group leaders were seen as responsible for monitoring young people whilst in their care.
FACTORS INFLUENCING MONITORING AND SUPERVISION
The local neighbourhood, age, and the child’s personality were described as particularly influential on monitoring and supervision arrangements:
Neighbourhood
Parents and young people were very aware of their local environment, and how this affected how they negotiated monitoring and supervision. Parental concerns about their local neighbourhood generally increased the level of parental monitoring, and decreased the young person’s freedom to go out of the family home without their parents. Most of the parents felt that young people today are at much greater risk than they were, when they were growing up. For example:
I think when I was a child I had a lot more freedom, and I don’t think we needed to be monitored as much as they need to be now…I don’t think my mum had to monitor me, or was aware of the process, as you have to be now” (mother of male, 11 years).
Age
The young person’s age was seen by most parents as being a key factor in the monitoring and supervision process. As this mother explains:
Age makes an incredible difference, certainly to what you have to monitor…at eleven it’s about roads and traffic and things like that…it’s changed from that to being lured away by men…then it moves into all these other things…the sex, you get the drugs, you get the alcohol, and you get the relationships…and then of course, you know, like this year the school work would be high, very high” (mother of female, 15 years).
As young people became older, a number of changes in monitoring and supervision occurred. These included:
- Going further away from the family home unsupervised
- Staying out later at night and going to bed later
- Having more trust, responsibility, privacy and freedom
- Being more involved in decision-making and negotiations with parents.
Personality of the child
Parents reported ‘tailoring’ monitoring and supervision arrangements to suit each child’s personality and maturity. Some young people were seen as more open and more honest, others as more vulnerable to getting involved in risk-taking. As these parents said:
…you can put two thirteen year olds together and they’re totally different..” (mother of female, 13 years).
I don’t think it’s age, I think it’s mentality, I think you judge by the child, not by the age” (mother of female, 13 years).
Parents therefore described how important it was to understand each child’s personality, and tailor monitoring arrangements to this.
CONCLUSIONS
This study demonstrated that monitoring and supervision in families is complex, and that young people are actively involved in the process. It also showed that monitoring and supervision is contested and negotiated within families, and that it is dependent on the nature of the parent-child relationship. Young people’s willingness to disclose information and follow agreed arrangements is also key to this process. This has clear implications for various government initiatives, such as Parenting Orders in the youth justice and education fields. These findings are considered to have added new information about monitoring and supervision in a neglected group – ‘ordinary’ families not involved in statutory services. The research could be widely used by practitioners to support group-based parenting courses, and in individual work. The authors are also developing materials from this research, to provide information and support to practitioners and parents.
ABOUT THE STUDY
The research was undertaken by Dr Stephanie Stace and Dr Debi Roker of the Trust for the Study of Adolescence. The study was based interviews conducted with 50 young people aged 11-16 and one/two parents. The participants also completed a seven-day diary. The families were recruited from schools, youth and parenting organisations in the south-east of England and the West Midlands, and were diverse in terms of socio-economic status, age, gender, ethnicity, and family structure.